Losing my Marbles

Published on 5 May 2022 at 07:55

Emotions, losing control, not being yourself. I kept feeling like it was something I did. Something I could undo or fix so everything would turn out alright. Unfortunately things kept getting worse...

In the first week no-one knew what was wrong. The only thing I knew was that I had severe problems controlling my emotions. I got angry without cause. I kept seeing flashbacks. Sometimes 3-4 times a day. I knew I needed help.


I talked to my superior on the phone and explained what I was experiencing. She wanted to sit down and just talk about possibilities. That meant I had to go back to my precinct. The stress that gave me is unbelievable. Because of my jumbled emotions, the only thing I could focus on was,  that I had to go to the station. That I had to see my colleagues. Had to explain what was wrong. Had to see them look at me while breaking down again.


Eventually I still went there. It was torment. Not because of my colleagues, they were perfect and understanding. But because of the tricks my mind kept playing on me. I felt threatened the whole time I was there, even though there was nothing threatening me. My superior tried to explain what was going to happen concerning my work. I barely registered half of it. She would make me an appointment with the occupational physician. And advised me to contact my general physician (GP). 


The appointment with the occupational physician was set for almost 2 months later because of the long waiting list. The appointment with my GP was fairly fast. I spoke about some of the things I was experiencing and he recommended in practice mental healthcare to see what was wrong with me. This took about 2 weeks before she could see me. I have nothing but praise for all of the people involved, but the waiting is what nearly broke me....

«   »

Add comment


There are no comments yet.